You may notice that this week’s email is a few hours later than normal, and it’s for good reason: I have been staring at my screen for hours without knowing what to say.
If you’ve been around here for awhile, then you know that’s totally not like me! I can’t remember the last time I was at a loss for words…until this past week.
If you follow us on Instagram, then you know that this week has been full of dreaming, planning, and acting on BIG things for our brand with the leadership of my friends Brit + Sami, founders of Other Dreamers, that I brought in from L.A. for the week.
I look forward to telling you *all the things* that this past week held in a future weekly email, but for today, I wanted to tell you something that happened to me yesterday.
On Wednesday we had invited 40 women to take part in a special video that we’ll be able to share with you in about 2 months. And yesterday, it was my turn to sit behind the camera to tell my story.
I took my seat behind bright lights + a rolling camera while a mic hung 2 inches above my head and a 2nd mic was secured to my bra underneath my dress.
While Chadwick (the incredible videographer from their team) + Sami hit record after the sound check, Brit kicked off our interview with her first question:
‘Em, tell us about what you do and why you do it.’
Now let me just tell you what you probably already know – I have answered this question from stage, on a podcast, or behind a rolling camera no less than 100 times in the past almost 3 years of owning The Flourish Market.
Now, all of a sudden, my only answer was a blank stare back at Brit. Literally. A blank stare without any words able to come out of my mouth.
Brit, being the amazing interviewer that she is, eased into a different question with an affirming smile, ‘Tell me a little bit about the women with which you partner and what they’ve taught you.’
‘Ummmm, [blank stare]. Okay sorry, let me grab a drink of water and reset. Sorry, I don’t know what’s going on! I answer these questions all the time.’
I was holding back tears and thought dear Lord Em don’t cry because your false eyelashes will surely come unglued (basically a metaphor for how I felt as my mind spiraled and I convinced myself my whole life was coming unglued in that moment).
In reflecting this morning on what happened in that moment yesterday, here’s what I think was going down: I didn’t feel up for the challenge of doing big, hard things.
It wasn’t about the questions Brit was asking me. It was about the bigger question I was asking myself on repeat in my head ’Em, are you truly capable?’
As that question was rolling around in my brain, Brit looked me dead in the eye and said ‘You’re doing great. You’ve got this.’
Maybe you need to hear those words today, too.
You can do hard things. You’re doing great. And hear me when I say this — you’ve got this, sister.
I realize I’m leaving you hanging on how the two interviews ended up going, but somewhere between a mandatory dance party break for the whole crew, some deep breaths, and the best words of affirmation from my hype girls, Sami confirmed we got everything we needed.
To be honest, I don’t remember what I said while the cameras were rolling. But I do remember how I felt when we were done: like I had dug in and shown up for myself to start stepping into a truer story.
And that’s what I want you to feel when you watch these videos, especially if you’ve ever felt like you’re coming a *wee* bit unglued.
To knowing you’ve got this,